On Break from my Bipolar Self!

Well in case you haven’t noticed I have been away several days from the blogging world. I would like to say I was far off somewhere in the middle of an exotic island enjoying a fruit-filled cocktail, but that would be a fantasy.  No, I have just been enjoying the ups and downs of a bipolar life.

Even though I changed medication I still get those lingering mild depression symptoms and when that happens my concentration goes. Not to the point of being unable to carry on a conversation, but to the point where putting pen to paper is nearly impossible. Then, for whatever reason, the concentration cloud lifts and my head gets really clear. Alas, here I am.

I do romanticize about taking a break from my bipolar self. I think about how I will rebuild my life with cool people and we will laugh and talk and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. In that time there will be no discussion about which anti-psychotic has more weight gain and what one costs the most money. None of us would have to worry about whether we missed a dose of medication or added a pill we usually don’t take that knocked us out for a day (that’s me-I slept until 3pm). We could even grab a beer or glass of wine without feeling guilty.

Yes in my unbipolar world there would be no time to laugh at funny things therapists might say to you. Numbers would only be used for phone numbers and not for involuntary commitments (5150). There would be no pain and suffering to discuss because everyone would feel awesome. When we referred to a tool kit – meditation would not be something you would find in it. A tool kit would be about hammers and nails, not coping mechanisms for serious mental illnesses.

Finally, when I woke up every morning I could open my eyes and make believe I was going to feel great before my first cup of coffee. There would be no such thing as a medication hangover. I could ignore many of the bad memories that harbor in my mind because of my illness. It would never bother me again.

Well, it only takes a short time to realize there are a few things I would miss and that is the wonderful people I have met because I have bipolar disorder. And so what – we have different things in common than the average person, but we can find a lot of humor in living our lives with mental illness. They always say – laughter is the best medicine! Oh how I believe it is true!

Thanks for reading friends! And thanks for all your well wishes while I was away.

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17 thoughts on “On Break from my Bipolar Self!

  1. Great post Amy. I ponder the same thing sometimes but they are the fleeting moments. It’s more constructive to think about ways to incorporate the BiPolar and the meds into a better quality of life. It takes time but things are all moving forward. And you are, right there are some wonderful people who have mental illness.
    Glad you’re back!

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    1. Hi Glenn,
      I just wanted to tell you that you have inspired me to continue rebuilding my life. I love your stories about the MeetUp groups you go to. I like that you share your friendships with others. I have just started next week to have lunch with a couple of friends. I am thinking about trying MeetUp but all the groups meet over an hour from where I live. Anyhow, thanks for being a positive role model! As you would say-“cheers” Amy

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  2. There’s a lot to be said for taking a vacation from the bipolar world. Still taking meds, still quietly using our arsenal in our toolbox, but not thinking consciously about it, letting it fade into the background. We don’t think about brushing our teeth, we just do it. Actually, I’m pretty thoughtful when it comes to brushing my teeth. Actually, I have a hard time imagining that my mind could take any sort of vacation unless chemically subdued. Then again, those thoughts could simply stream through my mind as I enjoy a beautifully mundane day.

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    1. Yes Kit I love the idea of the beautiful mundane day without thinking about anything bipolar. The truth is when I don’t have symptoms I don’t have to pay as much attention. But when you monitor yourself everyday like I do, bipolar is always somewhere in my thoughts. So glad to hear from you. Hope you have been doing well.

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      1. I think I have been doing well. Who knows what my family thinks. I know my son thinks I spend entirely too much time online. He’s right. Aside from that addiction and overstimulation, I’m doing well. Likewise, I hope you are doing well.

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  3. I wish. I wish that I didn’t get caught up in the thoughts of what could have been if I were “normal”. I have to remind myself of all the things that this illness did bring me which have impacted my life in a positive way.
    Thank you for reminding me of this 🙂
    And for making me jealous of all the people who are actually on a beach somewhere drinking fruity cocktails…assholes… 🙂

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    1. Hi Kimberly, love your comment especially about the folks on the beach! I think sometimes the best thing we can do is maintain perspective when it comes to bipolar disorder. It is good you have some positive things that have come into your life because of it. Thanks for reading and commenting! Have a great day!

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  4. Right now my brain is mush and I can’t think of anything intelligent to say except I’m glad you posted and let us know what was up and that you are taking care of yourself. I’m sorry about the depression; it is such a bummer. Have you heard Andrew Solomon’s TEDTalk “Depression the Secret We Share” ? Its available on YouTube. When I think of depression holding me back that talk is what I think of, and it makes me feel better, because i know I’m not alone. (Drjeckleandmrjibe of TheBipolarBum weblog introduced me to it.)

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    1. Hi there… Thanks for the suggestion. I am really doing well just trying to get complete symptom resolution. I don’t know if that is possible but I am working toward it. Things are better now and I am really working hard at recovery. Thanks again for your comment and the resource you provided.

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      1. I believe its possible.. when I was suicidal I didn’t think there was happiness beyond coping with ideation.. when I got to that rung.. I could see just a little ahead of me to maybe the next level.. and so on

        I hope you find it, whether its to this little bout or the whole thing!

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      2. Hi there Istralouise–I really believe it is possible to recover. It is certainly not easy but really possible. I do see the light in the tunnel…by far not the end just a glimpse of light shining through. Thanks for commenting.

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